Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
