The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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