proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
