is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
