my mouth tastes like poor choices
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
