is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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