I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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