dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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