people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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