I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
