im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
