and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
