So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
A bitchslap is in order.
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