She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
