This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
