dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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