so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
