Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
