this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
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Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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