My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize