We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
