apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
