Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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