he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
