I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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