just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.