think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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