consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
