yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
