This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
