mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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