Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
