I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
