i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
