Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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