Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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