I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
