"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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