they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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