her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
