you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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