you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
