Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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