hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
