I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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