4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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