The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
