I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
