I wannas sexs uuuuu
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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