we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
