At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
