I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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