You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
