you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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