i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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