I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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