hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
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I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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