omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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