Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
