Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
