god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Randomize
