I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
