My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
