If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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