I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
