your room smells of hookers.
And success
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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