The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
