Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
