I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only a mothe r could love this liver
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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