I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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