I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
