how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
please come you make the beer taste better
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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