I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
