i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize