ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
