More tranny stories later!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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